If I’m being honest, I’m terrified.

My first 50-miler is on May 14. That’s 51 days from now. Maybe it sounds like a lot, but it feels like it’s right around the corner. And man, has it been a long time coming. There’s a lot on the line.

I first decided I was going to run 50 miles way back in 2018. I had it all mapped out. Road marathon (something I was familiar with at the time) that fall. Slowly ramping up trail experience through 2019, culminating with the 24-plus mile Boulder Beast in central PA in September. Some time to recover, and then come spring 2020, it was gonna happen.

But we all know what happened in spring 2020. In February, everything was going to plan. 2019 had been an amazing running year: I earned my first age group award, and Boulder Beast is still my most favorite race ever. And my long runs were getting longer. But then in March, the world shut down. Races were canceled left and right. And for a brief moment, when everything pandemic was all so new and unknown, I was even nervous about trail running at all, afraid of passing too close to other people.

So I deferred my entry to 2021. In fall 2020, I successfully completed my first 50k, the Sadlers Creek Stumble in South Carolina. It was a huge success. I shocked myself by coming in third place for women! In January 2021, I started up again. Here we go… this is gonna be it. But then, in the third week of training, I badly sprained my ankle during a trail run. As I hobbled a mile and a half to the nearest road, after sheepishly calling my fiance (waking him up) and asking him nicely to come pick me up, I hoped I would recover in time to properly train. But it wasn’t to be. So I deferred again.

By summer 2021, I was back in training for another fall marathon, this time the marathon at the Coastal Delaware Running Festival, a road race (mixed with about 10 miles of crushed stone trail through a lovely state park–great for spotting birds!) that begins and ends on the Rehoboth Beach boardwalk. It also was a huge success, despite a… flexible… training plan. And then finally, late December 2021 I was back in it. Third time’s the charm?

The first 12 weeks of training were glorious. Hill workouts, long runs, tempo runs, and lots of easy miles. Weights, yoga, pilates. Getting used to my Nathan VaportSwiftra vest and starting to dial in my nutrition plan: a mix of Tailwind Endurance Fuel (love their recovery blend, too – especially coffee flavor mixed with vanilla or chocolate, wow), Huma gels, Plant Bites, and the occasional peanut MnM. Even when other things didn’t feel like they were going well, I had my training. And then this pesky pain in my left ankle flared up. Just enough to be concerning.

Not again, I thought. I’ve come too far. So I took it easy for a week or so, then sought out an orthopedic doc and got myself into physical therapy (my most heartfelt blessings to all the PTs out there dealing with runners and athletes of all sorts who are freaking out when their goals are on the line… seriously I don’t know what we’d do without you!).

The therapist and I have a plan. I’m running, although not as many miles or as many days per week as I’d like. I’ll get to the start line, but without as much training as I had hoped or planned for. And it’s only 51 days away–after almost four years of dreaming. And for the first time since probably my first marathon in 2007, I’m honestly not sure whether I’m going to finish.

To say I want it bad would be an understatement. And as my now-husband reminded me, “There are always obstacles on the hero’s journey.” Sometimes he believes in me more than I do.

So here goes. Seven weeks and two days, and I’ll be lining up at the Ice Age 50 Trail Race, the longest continuously running ultra in the Midwest (where my heart will always belong). Without the confidence of “I followed the plan to a T,” I’ll just have to believe. And if I can do that, who knows what I can achieve.

Journey on, friends.

Photo: The start of the 2022 HAT 50k on March 19. I only ran the first 15 miles due to the pesky ankle issue mentioned above, but it was great fun! Photo by Sarah.